Pizza Goes Punctual.

Smorgasbord o' cheeses, saucy two step, whole wheat crust in a hurry. This is the laziest homemade pizza I've ever made, and it's fracking delicious. You'll be rolling out this crust in no more than thirty minutes, so roll up your sleeves and prepare to take that smoke break you've been jonesing for - shhh, we won't tell. We all know you're a very health conscious vegetarian.

INFALLIBLE WHOLE WHEAT PIZZA CRUST

Note: this crust is VEGAN when you substitute agave nectar or other sweetener of your choice for honey. I mean, unless you're some kind of radical and you think yeast has feelings. Coat this pizza in pesto made with soy Parmesan instead of cheese, and you're good to go.

You will need...
* 1 cup whole wheat flour
* 1/2 cup unbleached all purpose flour, plus extra for dusting
* 1 packet active dry yeast
* roughly 1/2 tsp salt
* 1 Tbs fresh rosemary and oregano, or about 1 1/2 tsp dried
* 2 Tbs extra virgin olive oil
* 2 Tbs honey
* 2/3 cup warm water

Combine flours and yeast in a large bowl; mix liquid ingredients separately. Add wet to dry, and combine with a large wooden spoon until the dough forms a ball and quits sticking to the sides of your mixing bowl. Turn out onto a lightly floured surface with flour dusted hands, and knead for about 1 - 2 minutes. If you didn't make a mess of your mixing bowl, grease the sides lightly with olive oil - if it's pooling in the bottom, pour some out. Place the dough in the bowl and cover it with a clean cloth; leave it in a warm place to rise for twenty minutes. Rolling out is where laziness overcomes me. Personally, I lightly flour the same baking sheet I intend to cook my pizza on, plop the dough directly on it, and take the rolling pin to it. I hate doing dishes, and unless you're wildly liberal with the flour, it's no big deal. The dough is very elastic and will hold up well even if rolled quite thin, so use your own discretion.

Ta-da! Lovely, delicious homemade, (mostly) whole wheat pizza crust. This recipe *might* even work without the use of white flour - it really is surprisingly elastic, so if you feel like courting failure, let me know how that goes for you, eh?

Now, PUT THINGS ON IT.


This particular pizza looks a bit gangrenous since we decided to use up leftover pesto on it... Note Torr's half of the pizza is bombed out like a cheese covered Dresden. Mine is sad and scant but deliciously tomato covered. Well, onward.

You can make quickie pizza sauce by combining water and tomato paste until you achieve the consistency desired. I like using pesto or Italian herb varieties of paste; it keeps me out of the spice cabinet, always a dangerous foray. You may want to add salt or sugar to adjust the flavor.

Spread out the sauce, and sprinkle on 4 - 8 ounces of cheese. I use a pre-shredded mix of Romano, Mozzarella, Parmesan and Provolone cheeses. This pizza is pretty good even with minimal cheese... dairy doesn't like to play nice with Nicole.

Toss veggies on it! We like ours with minced garlic, freshly sliced mushrooms, Roma tomatoes sliced thin and smothered all over that bitch, a sprinkling of dried basil and oregano and some black pepper, but we're pretty sure anything's good on it. I love baby Swiss chard on pizza... so, unleash your inner veggie fanatic, go forth, and pile on the panache.

I should probably be killed for writing that.

Throw this round of cheesy glory into the oven at 375 - 400 degrees for twenty-ish minutes. Have another smoke break, if desired.

Crust can be prepared and rolled out the night before with identical results. Just cover the pan with foil or plastic wrap and stuff it in the refrigerator. In my case, the yeast continued to rise quite a bit, but the crust returned to a normal level during baking. This is one of my favorite weekday dinner fallbacks.

With a little luck or numerous prayers to deity of your choice, your pizza should look just gorgeous. For best results, coat liberally with fresh avocado and Louisiana hot sauce. Obviously.

Cheers!